a day in the life of my eating disorder

I have something on my heart that I’ve wanted to share about  for years, but it felt too shameful to reveal while I was going through it. 

I had binge eating disorder.

“Binge eating disorder” feels like three measly words that don’t encapsulate the hell my body went through during this experience. 

For 7 years, food consumed my life. What started with the pure intention to heal digestion issues, quickly and also slowly spiraled into being about so much more. Eating was about my livelihood.  I held this belief that if ate perfectly, then I would heal my concussion, I would get the body of my dreams, attract my soul mate and, most importantly, I would be able to get back to playing soccer like myself. 

Food thoughts consumed my life. I attributed my lingering concussion symptoms to not being strict enough with my diets. 

I know now, that this is complete and utter nonsense. But, fuck, when you’re in it, it’s a dark and shameful place.  Because you don’t know why you can’t stop your binging, especially when it’s the thing you loathe the most about yourself. I’ve never felt more out of control. 

I share this story with so much compassion for myself and anyone who resonates with it. I believe that disordered eating and body image issues are way way way more prominent than we know. Especially, in the female athletic world.

I’ll be sharing how I got to the other side in the future, but for now, here’s a piece where I recount a day in the life of my eating disorder,  when I was in the thick of it. 

Sending love to anyone who relates and I hope you know that every part of you is pure magic. 

xx Kendall 

(listen to the podcast version below the written piece or on iTunes HERE )

________________________________________________________________________________

At 9:48pm I walked over to the counter of an empty Laughing Planet. It was just me and the cashier, Dave, a mid 20ish year-old ball-capped man that I couldn’t quite determine if I thought was cute or not. 

“May I have some chips and salsa please?”

“Don’t over do it with that meal…” Dave sarcastically smiled back at me. 

I couldn’t quite determine if he was flirting or not. I couldn’t quite determine a lot of things when I was in this state. But, I could determine that Dave wouldn’t have said that if he knew four hours earlier I was sitting on my couch and all I could think about was a chocolate chip cookie. At first, I tried to write out my feelings about wanting a chocolate chip cookie so that I wouldn’t give in to the chocolate chip cookie. Then, I tried to focus my attention on finalizing a podcast episode so I wouldn’t give in to the chocolate chip cookie. I tried watching more game film so I wouldn’t give into the chocolate chip cookie. I tried tidying up my place so I wouldn’t give in to the chocolate chip cookie. But the chocolate chip cookie…like most nights, was a pesky, persistent, fatass moth, and I was an even fatter-assed light bulb. 

Of course, once again, I failed.

You stupid piece of shit. What is wrong with you? I mean, I love you. But, also what the fuck?

The voices in my head were at constant battle with one other. On these nights, the voice I like to call The Cookie Monster, took over with vengeance. 

I knew what was about to ensue, no matter how hard I tried to stop it.

It mostly started with New Seasons. My favorite and least favorite grocery store. Kendall dreaded it. The Cookie Monster devoured it.

When I arrived at the store, I opted for a paleo cookie and a cookie dough flavored Quest bar. Healthier options than the real thing. And maybe, just maybe, this time the result would be different than my hundreds of others.

I sat down in the eating area and did my best to savor the treats. The Cookie Monster grew louder with each bite. 

My endorphins were raving. I needed more.  

I knew I had already flunked. There was no going back. I might as well eat everything I wanted and tomorrow I would start anew. I would be good tomorrow. For real. Tomorrow would be different.  But, tonight, I feast. I couldn’t buy more at this New Season though, because then the cash register might notice me again and think I’m a whale with no self-control.  

Before I left for my next mission, like I always did, I had to make my rounds in the bulk section. 

The bulk section was the Mecca. It had the nuts, granola, chocolate covered raisins, dried mangoes. All the stuff that was too sugary or crappy for me to consume normally.  And the bonus: I didn’t have to pay for it, so it’s like it didn’t count. Every time I was in the Mecca, I mentally rehearsed the secret role play of my dreams:

Employee who notices me eating out of the bulk section like it’s an all you can eat buffet: “excuse me ma’am you can’t sample the bulk section like that. You have to pay for those items.” 

Me, simultaneously blushing and aggressively hugging the employee who notices me eating out of the bulk section like it’s an all you can eat buffet: “oh my goodness, thank you to the heavens and back for catching me! I’ve been hoping I’d get roasted by someone for ages. I promise I’m not trying to be a bad person, it’s just that I have uncontrollable binges.  And when this happens, I literally feel like I exit my body and The Cookie Monster takes the wheel of my mind. I feel sooo much shame about it but because you caught me, now I will never do it again and I will finally heal. Thank you!!”

Once I got my Mecca fix and closed the curtains on this imaginary scene, it was onto the next one. 

At this point, I had memorized every single New seasons and Whole Foods within a 20 mile radius of Portland. I imagine this is what addicted gamblers do with casinos.

I got in my car, and drove to a New Seasons 10 minutes away. 

There’s something about these drives that feels sacred. It’s as if I am a baby being pacified by the sensory experience of cruising along dark, uncrowded roads. I can be all to myself. Listen to whatever emo music I want. Cry. Escape the feeling that I am a fuck up because I binged last night too and I woke up this morning convinced that today would be the day for change, but it wasn’t because I am a fuck up.

I have a tab going on my whiteboard. I get a star every time I go a day without a binge. And a heart, to attempt compassion, every day I binge. I was seeing a lot hearts lately. But, today was supposed to be the day for change. I left for Thorns training without eating anything. The night prior, I had round-housed enough for the entire day alone, so I would intermittent fast until the afternoon. Train on an empty stomach. You burn more calories that way anyways. 

I showed up to training, and like always was the case, I felt groggy as our coach was going over our plan for the day. During warm up, my arms started tingling, and I had a massive desire to run away from this scene all together. 

My first thought wasn’t that these symptoms were a result from the severe concussion I was recovering from, but because of my binge episode. Obviously I feel so off because I stuffed my face the night before, and now I’m sabotaging myself! 

On the weeks where I have a bunch of stars on my whiteboard, yet still have those symptoms? It is because I was not eating clean enough. I need to be even better than my gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, low-carb, high fat, mostly plant-based, lots of veggies, fasting in the morning, drinking a glass of water upon awakening, don’t eat after 7pm lifestyle (it wasn’t a diet because this is how I planned to be eating for life, in order to be my most optimal self). 

The car rides between grocery stores are a place for me to forget about everything. Just surrender into the darkness. My darkness. 

I arrived at the next New Seasons. This time, I opted for the creaminess of ice cream and the fluffiness of a slice of vanilla cake. I didn’t really want it, but I also couldn’t stop. 

I followed this up with a trip to Whole Foods for more cookies and a pitstop at a pizza joint. 

How I still wasn’t full after eating energy bars, cookies, ice cream, cake, handfuls of samples at the multiple Meccas, and pizza was beyond me. At this rate, I could eat the entire Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory and still have room for more. 

Finally, after a few hours, I started to feel the intense discomfort of my bloating stomach. I was super thankful this sensation arose, because it was one of the few things that stopped my face stuffing. But, since I was starting over with my healthy eating tomorrow, I might as well make the most of tonight. I decided to go for one last night cap.

At 9:48pm I walked over to the counter of an empty Laughing Planet. It was just me and the cashier, Dave, a mid 20ish year-old ball-capped man that I couldn’t quite determine if I thought was cute or not. 

“May I have some chips and salsa please?”

“Don’t over do it with that meal…” Dave sarcastically smiled back at me. 

I couldn’t quite determine if he was flirting or not. I couldn’t quite determine a lot of things when I was in this state. But I could determine that Dave wouldn’t have said that if he knew ordering those chips was the one thing that I was determined not to do today. That the entirety of my day revolved around THE ONE goal of eating like a normal person.

But of course, once again I failed.

You stupid piece of shit. What is wrong with you? I mean, I love you. But, also what the fuck? 

Listen on iTunes HERE 

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EP 31- The Most Effective Way to Dominate Life

As an athlete, being told to rest is one of the last things that we want to hear. Typically, if there is something wrong in my life, I react by working harder. But when I got my concussion,  my doctor told me that the fastest way to get back on the pitch was to do nothing. So I headed his advice. And the craziest thing happened. I loved it…

“My pure happiness stemmed from tapping into that presence. From being exactly where I was. Unconcerned about what I “had to do” to set me up for success. I did things because I felt like it, because they elevated my well-being, and I trusted that the mental break would get me back on the field sooner.

This joy didn’t come from just relaxing. I have had plenty of “recovery days” over the years. It stemmed from being exactly where I was, and no where else.

Nature has this nonjudgmental way of awakening my soul. It happens when I’m around authentic people, and when I’m immersed in a soccer game. I am more alive and see the world brighter.”

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EP 28- My Whiplash Heatstroke Fifa ‘94 Concussion

In today’s episode, I tell the story of the first game I ever voluntarily subbed myself out of a game: the day I got my concussion. In episode 26, I read my piece Why I Saw Strange Men in my room (and am telling you about it 8 months later). This was the first time I opened up about my concussion.

I wrote that piece as a reflection to process my lack of progress and debilitating state.  Why is this happening to me? Why am I not getting better? Will I ever be able to play soccer again?  I was desperate to find an answer, but finally realized sometimes the best thing we can do is let go and trust that things will work out how they are meant to be.

Today’s piece titled My Whiplash, Heatstroke, Fifa 94 concussion  brings it back to the beginning. From here on out, I will tell my story chronologically. I have learned heaps about concussions, and even more about myself-who I want to be, why I am playing soccer, and my philosophy on life.

I am very passionate about telling my story because I know there are so many people out there who are struggling, feel like they are alone, and may be losing hope.

But, I truly believe that our setbacks are our biggest teachers. That’s the whole reason behind Arrow Living’s name. “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. In life, when you’re faced with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming.”

Link to full written article with pictures: My whiplash heat stroke Fifa ‘94 Concussion

For great resources and concussion recovery support check out: : Headwayfoundation.com

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EP 26- Why I Saw Strange Men in my Room (and am telling you about it 9 months later)

In 2015, I suffered a concussion that completely changed my life. My entire career I have been someone who prides themselves on working hard.  If someone tells me I’m not going to make it, I say “thank you” and add fuel to the fire.

During our offseason, we are in control of our training. For me, most days are double days, at least, and then I’d spend my free time at coffee shops writing.

But this offseason, I couldn’t even walk, ride in a car, or be around people for extended periods of time without debilitating symptoms.

Despite my symptoms, I was determined to get back in time for the start of the NWSL season. .

But my body literally wouldn’t let me “work harder” to get back.

When you lose the thing that you dedicated your entire life to, when you have to drastically reduce your daily activities, and when the sole purpose of your entire day is to just get through the day with minimal symptoms, it makes you think about life differently.

I asked myself questions I never pondered before:

Why do I want to play soccer so badly? Who am I if I don’t have soccer? Why am I so desperate to find answers? What’s the purpose of my life?

It is this self-examination of my motives and feelings behind my aspirations that has had the most profound impact on my life-far beyond any workout regimen, diet, or training strategy.

My concussion has been by far my biggest life teacher.

The extreme lack of resources out there for proper concussion treatment is astounding. I have searched far and wide for answers, traveled across the country and up to Canada to see a neck specialist, implemented a new nutrition plan, and tried out dozens of other unconventional approaches (which I plan to write about).

I want to share what I have learned. But above all,  I want to provide hope for anyone who is going through a difficult time, even if it’s not a concussion.

Even though my symptoms were immobilizing, the internal struggle far exceeded the physical pain.

I know that feeling of hopelessness and loneliness: no one understands my situation, why do things like this always happy to me, will I ever get better?

We all have our own unique struggle, that’s no better or worse than anyone else’s. It’s just life.

And this is mine.

I have a separate “my concussion story” section on Arrow Living  in which I will continue telling my story, as well as interview specialists, and people who have helped me along the way.

If you know anyone whom you think this would help. Please pass it along.

Full written article: /why-i-saw-strange-men-in-my-room-and-am-telling-you-about-it-9-months-later/

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EP 25- Arrow Tip Tuesday: Why Making your Bed Changes the World

I never used to understand people who made their bed. Why bother taking the time when you are going to be getting back in and making it messy at the end of the day anyways?

As I mentioned in episode 17 in the article I wrote, Throwing Away 9 Trash Bags of Clothes Changed my Life, I am inherently a slob and tend to be suspicious of those whose living space smell of Windex and resembles a vacated crime scene. .

What are they trying to hide??

But, awhile back I read a quote from Commander Navy Seal, William H Mcraven, that peaked my feathers.

“If you want to to change the world, start off by making your bed. If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do one task and then another. And by the end of the day that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed and It will reinforce the idea that the little things in life matter.”

Ohhh snapp. Did he just equate making your bed with changing the world??

I’m down to change the world, so I figured it was worth a shot.

I did. And now I always, always, always make my bed. Here’s why:

Charles Duhigg, author of bestseller The Power of Habit, calls this kind of habit, a “keystone habit” because it creates a positive change that will then set in motion your ability to perform other good behaviors.

Once I make my bed, it symbolizes that my day is starting, and it is my first opportunity to demonstrate that I am taking control of my day.

There are so many uncertainties in life. Even if you begin the day with the best intentions, things can go sideways fast.

You could slip on a banana peel on the way to training, get side swiped in your car,  yelled at by your coach, miss the game-winning shot…. the possibilities are endless.

But, no matter how crappy your day is, when you come home and all you want to do is sleep, you will see that at the very least you made your bed. Not all is lost.

It’s such a small habit, but  I am learning that I am a highly visual person. If I see a distraction in the my outer life, I’m going to feel off internally. So making my bed is one action I can take to help me reduce that stress.

Also, think about when you stay at a hotel. When I am traveling with my team and enter my hotel room, I get giddy when I see the bed covers are tucked in crispier than a newly minted dollar bill.  Sometimes I do think the covers are so snug they make me feel like I’m going going to lose circulation, however that’s just a personal preference. The beauty about making your own bed, is you call the shots.

If you’re a science-based person, a recent study showed  “71 percent of bed makers consider themselves happy, while 62 percent of non-bed-makers admit to being unhappy. Bed makers are also more likely to enjoy their jobs, own a home, exercise regularly, and feel well rested, whereas non-bed-makers hate their jobs, rent apartments, avoid the gym, and wake up tired.”

There’s something to be said about making beds.

Arrow Tip: Make your bed

If you still feel you are too lazy to make your bed, then here’s a video on how to make your bed while you are still in it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD8y1kRpMqw

No excuses to at least try it! if you don’t like it, you can go back to crumpled sheets.

Do you make your bed? Does it make you feel as happy as me? Let me know in the comments

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EP 20- Losing Someone Close to Your Heart

Today on the podcast, I share a piece I wrote as a reflection to process the first time I lost someone really close to my heart; my grandma.

As athletes, we invest our heart and souls into our sport. We become obsessed with being the best. And we get in this routine of waking up every day wanting to be faster and stronger and better and better and better and when things aren’t aligning the way we’d like, it can be stressful. We get worked up when our coach yells at us for messing up a drill, or we have to run extra sprints, or we show up late for training because of traffic…. We can fall into this rut for days, or months or even years and question, “why is this happening to me???”

And then, out of nowhere, something unexpected happens that jolts you back into the present. It makes you realize that what we were worrying about was minuscule and meaningless in the grand scheme of life.

The above  picture perfectly encapsulates everything my grandma means to me. I just finished playing a game at Providence Park, and ran over to my family’s seats to give them some love. I was greeted by my grandma, who’s grin I can still feel beaming down on me today.  She’s wearing  the purest smile. No verbal exchange is necessary. I can see her genuine excitement to be in that moment. She carried this demeanor with her every day. Fully invested in the the now. Her smile reminds me of the power of presence. We do not have to wait for some life-changing loss, injury, or tragedy to gain perspective. Every single day, we can choose how we want to show up for life. I choose to be grateful and live fully. What do you choose?

Full written article with images here: dear-nonie-one-last-letter-on-love-and-traveling-every-day/

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EP 19- Arrow Tip Tuesday: Find an Accountablity Partner

Accountability partners for goals are what butter is to coffee, or what collagen is to bone broth or, what cacao nibs are to goat yogurt…you know what I’m saying?? Okay maybe not, if you aren’t as fond of these concoctions as I am. But for real, accountability partners are the bees knees.

An accountability partner is someone you join forces with to hold one another responsible for your respective intentions.

(Side note: In the past, the term  “goals”  have signified too much rigidity, as I tended to put too much focus on the end result. I like to use the word “intentions”, because it reminds me that the end results are something to aspire to, but they do not define me. It allows me to fully enjoy the process. That’s just my preference, but you can use whatever word you want: goal, intention, result, outcome etc.)

This past offseason, Arrow Liver, professional goalkeeper, and diving-header goal legend Michelle Betos  and I were accountability buddies. Each week, we emailed each other what went well in our training, and what we wanted to improve the following week.  We chose tasks that we typically struggled to complete on our own, and just needed a little extra push.   

One week, my focus was to get back in to the habit of documenting and reflecting upon all of my workouts. Another week, Michelle wanted to improve her ball striking technique. That week, she sent me a text of her foot taped up. Most humans, tape their ankle if it’s injured, but Michelle’s ligaments were fully intact. She taped her foot  in order to recondition her brain to strike the ball with her foot in that specific position. That’s Michelle Betos for you. If you haven’t listened to her full podcast , that’s not the craziest thing she’s done to improve her game.  

A few weeks after we started this accountability thread, I saw an incredible stat:

A study conducted at Dominican University of California showed that people who wrote down their intentions, shared with a friend, and sent weekly updates to that friend were on average 33% more successful in accomplishing their stated intentions than if they were to keep them to themselves.

Woahhhh. That’s a ⅓  greater likelihood of crushing your dreams!!

Accountability partners are effective because when you tell someone else your intentions, they become more than just about you. This person serves as a greater reason to follow through on the action. Also, this gives you someone who is supportive of you and equally invested in pursuing their own visions. Plus, even if your desired outcomes are different, it’s way more fun to salsa dance together to your dreams.

Arrow Tip:  Find an Accountability Partner

1. Find a mate you trust, who will keep you honest, and agrees to be your accountability partner

2. Converse about your intentions and the actions you want to take to meet them

3. Set-up the specific actions you will take, and create general timeline for when you will accomplish them 

4. Check in with each other once a week, in person, via text, email, phone etc.

5. Celebrate the progress! Fist bump each other each time you make a gain.

Do you have an accountability partner? Have they helped you make moves in life? Let me know!

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EP 16- Arrow Tip Tuesday: How To Bounce Back After A Bad Game

Last week I played in my first game at Providence Park since my concussion. It was just a preseason game, bt I had been waiting 18 months for that moment. Last year, I watched our games up in our team suite. I had to wear earplugs because the noise of the crowd gave me a throbbing headache. Also, tracking my teammates zig-zagging runs invoked neck tension and nausea. By the end of the games, I felt over-stimulated, as if I’d actually participated in the match myself.

My first game playing on Providence Park was a big milestone. I trotted onto the field, feeling a tidal wave of adrenaline and gratitude. Holy crap we out here doin this thanggg! That ecstasy lasted for about 10 seconds, then I was submersed into the game.

35 minutes later, the whistle blew and the game was over.

Our team won. I played my first minutes since my concussion. Yet, instead of being happy, I was swallowing back tears.  A rational minded human would think that coming back from an 18 month injury is an incredible feat. But as a lifelong competitive athlete, my performance, in my mind, wasn’t good enough.

I know this is a common theme amongst athletes. We tend to be so hard on ourselves. Our mind instantly re-traces all the things we did wrong, and those feelings of frustration pile up until we think that our life is over as we know it.

But if we take a step back, and allow ourselves to really feel and process everything we realize that:

1. bad games are inevitable

2. we most often think we played a lot worse than we did.

3. even if you really suck it up, excessively drowning in our sorrows is not beneficial

Arrow Tip: How to Bounce Back after a Bad Game

Here’s 6 questions to ask after a “bad” game to get yourself back into a happy place. The key throughout all of this is to play the role of an observant, non-judgmental scientist. Take your time with each question.

1. What do I feel?

Allow yourself to feel your frustration/sadness/embarrassment and express what didn’t go well for you. I went home, screamed a few times. Kicked my legs like a needy child. And then I worded why I was frustrated…”I am pissed because I blew it. I sucked. My lungs felt like they were going to collapse, my body felt like jello , I slipped on the ball, I dove in on a tackle… Be as real as possible. Curse, punch pillows, scream…do what you gotta do, and take as long as you need, to flush out all the feelings.

1. What are my beliefs behind this feeling?

In my case:

–That was my one chance to show that I deserve to be here

-My energy sucked, I am never going to be in good enough shape to play

-My coach is going to think I suck and now I’m never going to play

-I am not a good soccer player and don’t deserve to be on this team

-to be frustrated, I have to play a game and it doesn’t go well.

1. Do I need to believe these thoughts? (Hint: The answer is always No)

1. What can I believe instead that will allow me to feel at peace with my performance?

Go through each belief, and replace it with a new beneficial belief.

In my case, I reframed:

-Bad games are an opportunity to expose weaknesses and grow

-The only way for me to be frustrated is to play a game, and not learn from it

-The fact that I’m frustrated is a good thing. It shows how much I care about my sport…it’s a good thing

-I can use this frustration as motivation, to highlight areas of improvement, and  further hone in on my craft and ball out even more

-the past does not equal the future, just because I had one bad game does not mean I have to feel frustrated

1. What went well for me in my game?

In my case:

-I played my first game back in 18 months

-I am still breathing

-my team won

-I made several clean passes

-I headed two balls without any symptoms

-I did not actually collapse a lung

This allows us to see that we were likely over-reacting, and might simply need to take a chill pill.  In our roughest games, there is always something to be grateful for. Even if it’s as simple as making through the game alive!

1.  What steps can I take to improve next game?  

Come up with a few intentions you can make to continue growing as a player.  For instance, anytime I make an error on the field, I now quickly say to myself “I love myself, onto the next one.”  Yes it’s cheesy. Yes, I actually repeat that to myself. Yes, it works wonders.

The plan can be more action oriented, as well. Examples: show up to training 20 minutes early to work on passing technique, visualize 10 minutes of defending before bed, meet with conditioning coach and put together a fitness program.

I ask myself these questions every time I have a “poor” performance,  whether it’s in a game, a training, or any area in my life. It’s a great tool, to get yourself back and motivated to be your best self. The worst thing we can do is dwell on our mistakes. We all have bad games. We all have bad days. Some of us have bad breath. There’s badness all around. But when we embrace the badness, and use it as an opportunity for growths, that’s when we reach the greatness within. And ball out.
Do you have a certain way you cope with bad games? Let me know in the comments!

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EP 14- A Once in a Lifetime Flight-How to Deal with Losses

I’m going to be honest with you. Losing games freaking sucks. When I was younger, I would give everyone the silent treatment (except my dog),  shut my room and tell my parents to leave me alone, unless dinner was ready, of course. But as I’ve gotten older, I have lost more and more games, and I want to tell you something. Losing, actually, believe it or not….doesn’t get any better. It still SUCKS. In the heat of the moment, it feels like you’ve gotten your soul ripped out. When you fully invest your time and heart into something, and circumstances don’t turn out how you’d like, naturally it’s feels crappy.

But, a couple years ago, my team and I boarded a plane filled with World War II veterans and my my perspective of losing has changed.

Whenever I’m feeling down, from a sports loss or anything in life, I like to think back to that moment. All it takes to snap myself out of my funk to think of all of the people who have sacrificed their life for my teammates and myself to be able to live out our dreams.

There is always someone who has it worse than you. And there’s people in this world who no doubt would kill to be in your exact place now.  Even when we lose, we always have something to be grateful for. Full written article with video footage HERE. 

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EP 12-Pogo Sticking is the Reason I'm a Professional Athlete

I was recently asked in an interview why I love soccer so much. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. I love the sport itself. The team camaraderie. The winning. The creativity and freedom of expression it allows. But one of the things that’s undoubtedly at the top of the list is the continuous, never-ending improvement that comes from dedicating myself to the sport.  No matter what level I am at, I always feel compelled to give more. I love testing myself to see just how far I can go, especially when times are tough.  I tried to pinpoint when I developed this passion for improving. It brought me back to one distinct moment during my elementary school days, with one of my most prized possessions: my pogo stick.  Growing up, every kid has their thing. Whether its playing with dolls, collecting rocks, or picking boogers, everyone has that one thing that makes them smile just at the thought of it. Mine was pogo sticking.  In today’s episode, find out why pogo sticking is the reason I’m a professional athlete. Full written article HERE. 

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EP 11- Arrow Tip Tuesday: Find Your Entourage

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Arrow Tip: Find your Entourage 

I’d be willing to bet you 20 chunky monkey Ben and Jerry’s ice cream pints that if I walk into a girl’s high school soccer team post-game dinner, 80% of the girls will be wearing sweat pants, a hoodie-likely grey-and some form of slip on sandals. And their hair would be pulled up in a messy bun. Or a pony tail.

I’ll double down and bet another 20 pints, that if I walked into a vinyasa yoga class, 90% of women would be wearing leggings and a tank top.

Neither of these are bad things. I am still a wearer of both wardrobes, but why is this so true?

I read this quote a few years ago that helps explain why we are so alike to our peers and friends:

“You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with most” -Jim Rohn

Growing up, I never gave much thought about the people I hung out with. If they liked to swing on the monkey bars and play foursquare with me at recess, then we were best friends. As I aged, I made friends mostly through athletics.

My whole life I have been fortunate to be surrounded by a supportive family, and teammate’s who have been equally driven to improve. They undoubtedly played a huge factor in getting me to where I am today. In soccer, every time I reached a higher level, I was surrounded by an even more determined group of girls whom would challenge me to grow my game.

This idea of being the average of the 5 people you hang out with most, may seem oversimplified, but think about the 5 people you hang out with the most.  Do you have similar values and habits as them? Do you wear similar clothes?

You are of course your own unique self, but research continually shows the immense affect people have on our way of thinking, our self-esteem and our decisions.

A lot of times, we are affected at a subconscious level and don’t even realize people’s influence.

Wearing the same clothes as your friend is a superficial example, but our thoughts and actions are also heavily influenced by others too. If you hang around people who are always putting other people down, eating burger king, and watching tv all day, you’ll likely, often subconsciously, pick up similar habits. Similarly, if you’re around people who are working hard, showing you love, and filling you up, you’ll be propelled to be the same.

That’s why it’s crucial to surround yourself with people who support you and believe in you. Find people who have dreams of your caliber or greater. People who are doing what you want to be doing. People who are highly motivated and determined to be their best selves. They may have a different aspirations than you, but when they share that same underlying passion and drive, you will feel it. And then you’ll vibe off of one another’s vibes.

You may realize that there’s certain people in your life who always bring you down. Whether they make you guilty for not hanging out with them or are need or maybe they just aren’t evolving at the same rate as you.

One of the most difficult things in life is the feeling of guilt that comes from letting these people go, or even just changing the dynamic of certain relationships. But if you know who you are, and want to become, and you know deep down it’s what you need to do, trust that feeling.

Be grateful for the purpose they served in your life, and move on with no regrets.

Arrow Tip: Find Your Entourage

• Note the 5 people you surround yourself with most. Are these people who you are helping you grow? Are these people challenging you, raising your average, helping you become you want to become? If yes, heck ya!!! If not, who are people you look up to? Who do you know or want to befriend that will help you become a better athlete and person? If you have to, weasel your way into that friend group

As I learned in Girl Scouts back in the day, “Make new friends and keep the old, some are silver and the other gold.”

Is it Girl Scout cookie season yet?

Below is a great in-depth article about this topic. It provides an excellent hand-on exercise to help you discover the type of person you want to be and the people you can surround yourself with to help assist this process.

http://personalexcellence.co/blog/average-of-5-people/

08-Arrow Tip Tuesday: Plan Tomorrow Tonight

Arrow Tip: Plan Tomorrow Tonight 

Do you ever have those days when you are driving home after an exhausting day,  your workout kicked your butt, and you’ve been running a million miles per hour from one thing to the next? And all you can think about is how you are excited to get in bed and pass out.

Maybe like 7 nights a week?

That happens to me often, but it was an even more common occurrence in college.  I would get home,  brush my teeth, slip on my glow-in-the-dark retainers, snuggle into my covers, shut my eyes with giddiness so stoked to dream about puppies and scoring goals and chipotle, and then, all of a sudden, a little thought would pop into my head about tomorrow….

“I have to train. Then I have study. And go to the grocery store. I want to make almond milk. But  I have to Youtube how to make almond milk, because last time I attempted to do it myself, it tasted like soggy, nutty socks. And then I need to go to my physical therapy appointment, and call my grandma. I want to see my dog. I haven’t seen Jake in forever. I miss him. I bet he misses me.  But will I have time see him before I coach? And I have that family dinner. Ahh and I still haven’t sent my 10 month over-due birthday thank you letters…”

That one thought would lead to a cascade of other thoughts, and the realization that my day tomorrow is going to be even busier than today. And from that point, I would activate high-alert mode, feel very overwhelmed, rendering it nearly impossible to fall asleep   But, I found a super simple action that I’ve been using for years now that dramatically reduce this stress.

Before hitting the hay,  I take 5-10 minutes to plan out my day in detail,  hour by hour.

I Schedule my obligations first (i.e work, assignments, training, appointments…). I like to prioritize 3 things to get done after that.

I often find that if I plan strategically, and specifically by the hour, that there is time in the day to get a lot more done than I think. There are days when I don’t have time to search “how to make almond milk”, but with this knowledge, I can reschedule it for another day, and not stress about it at night.

This scheduling may sound rigid, but I believe it’s the opposite. When you schedule your day, you have a clear set of intentions for the day, you know what you need to do, and  it free up a ton of mental space so you can be fully present when throughout your day’s workout and other activities.

A lot times if we don’t have a schedule, we are constantly responding to everyone else needs, and disregarding our own. When you decide what you are going to do, that gives you back control.

A big benefit of scheduling the night before is that once you fall asleep, all night long your subconscious mind works on how to make these intentions happen. It pulls up past memories and comes up with creative possibilities to help prime your brain to get your intentions done for that next day.

Planning my days has been a real savior. It allows me to live each day with presence and reduces unnecessary nighttime mind-wandering. Now, when I climb into bed, I confidently whisper to myself “Night, night Kendall, sleep tight, don’t let the stress bugs bite.”

Have you tried planning your night before? Did you find it beneficial?

Let me know in the comments!

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EP 06-The Day I Single Handedly Delayed My Flight to Australia

Am I the only one who feels like the airport causes you to be 8 times more emotional than in any other setting?  For instance, when something goes wrong at the grocery store, we are able to compose ourselves, but if that same thing happens at the airport, one of two things occur: we either burst into tears or rip somebodies head off in frustration.

Ya traveling can be stressful, but I feel like there’s gotta be something in the air that causes these emotional allergies.

On that note, I had a wildly eventful travel day, when I was heading over to Australia to play my first professional season overseas. My first leg to LA went smooth as butter, but when I was about to board my second flight, I realized I was in the wrong terminal with 15 minutes until departure.

I surprisingly didn’t cry. Instead, I turned straight beast mode, with unreal determination to make my flight. It was by far the most thrilling and sweaty, airport experience of my life.

As with all my challenges, I learned a lot, met an angel whom I am still indebted to, and it made for a great story.

Full written article: The Day I Single Handedly Delayed My Flight to Australia 

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Ep 03 To everyone 25 and older, grow up, give up on your dreams

Have you ever experienced a quarter-life crisis? When nothing seems to be going as anticipated? You question what am I doing on this earth? Should I give up and flee to Costa Rica and live on the beach and listen to John Mayer and drink piña coladas the rest of my life?

Ya, me too.

The bigger our dreams, the more they get called into question, and cause us to experience self-doubt. Society is always going to be influencing us to stray from our vision.

I wrote this piece as a reminder to stay true to who I am and keep doing me. CLICK HERE for full article with images.

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Ep 02 Arrow Tip Tuesday: Take A Cold Shower

Welcome to the Arrow Tip Tuesday series! Every Tuesday, I will provide a simple, actionable tip that you can apply to enhance your athletic endeavors and life.

Today’s Arrow Tip: take a cold shower.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!  Whenever I get out of a cold shower, I imagine myself as Donkey Kong beating his chest after he just rescued Peach from the castle.

I didn’t always feel that way. After a rainy training session,  few things compare to a steaming hot shower. When I first heard about the idea of cold showers, my initial thought was why would anyone voluntarily submit themselves to such torture?

Then I researched the topic and was surprised by all of the scientifically backed benefits.

Cold showers are proven to:

-strengthen immunity

-improve blood circulation

-increase metabolism

-improve lymphatic movement

-detoxify your body

-deepen  breathing

-aid with sleep

-regulate body temperature

-alleviate depression

(Here’s an article I enjoyed “Benefits of Cold Showers http://www.menprovement.com/benefits-of-cold-showers/ )

I decided to give it a go. On my first attempt,  I turned the nozzle all the way to the left. I brushed my hands against the water and muttered an explicit. You psycho sun of a gun.

These thoughts were the exact reason I knew I needed to follow through with the shower. I had to conquer my mind. I shut off the negative thoughts, counted to three, and jumped under the shower head.

Holyyyyyy Coldolyyy!  My heart rate doubled and I felt like my inhalation was being strangled. After getting over the initial shock factor, I concentrated on the white fog of my exhalation. Once I regained normal breathing, I began yelling out affirmation to myself.

“Let’s go Kendall, you are unstoppable. You overcome any challenge that comes your way. AHHH!!!!!”

After washing all the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair (a lot harder when your hair is borderline icicle status) I shut off the shower and felt invigorated. Empowered.  Like I’d been defibrillated back into a super-hero physical and mental version of myself.

Cold showers are a staple in my life now any time I need an instant shot of adrenaline or pick-me-up. Regardless of how tired I feel entering the shower, I exit feeling unstoppable. It reaffirms that circumstances are never as bad as you anticipate they are going to be.

Try it one time and imagine yourself as Kevin Garnett, shouting Anything is possibleeeeee!!!

I guarantee you when you exit, a part of you will start to believe it.

Arrow Tip: 

Take a cold shower.

There’s two different approaches you can take

1) Slow and steady wins the race: gradually turn the nozzle colder throughout your shower

2) Showtime: don’t mess around, turn the shower as cold as it goes, and do the dang thing.

p.s. An added bonus of cold showers is that it helps reduce energy expenditure, which means less CO2 and greenhouse gases, aka your playing a part in lessening global warming Also, you’re going to save money on your electricity bill. Sounds like a win to me

p.p.s I aint no doctor! if you have weak heart or health issue consult a physician before trying.

Have you tried taking a cold shower? Did your hair almost fall off? Let me know how it went in the comments below!

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